I was crossing my fingers. It was pretty late, and I was standing outside one of the guest rooms at my friends’ house trying to eavesdrop on the conversation happening behind that closed door. My two children were in that room, and my friend had just come found me to let me know she thought she heard my son crying. It’s hot in the house, and there are lots of fans going so I can’t really hear anything—just quiet voices; I don’t really want to hear the words, I just want to know it’s going well…
Earlier in the evening, we’d been invited to “game night” with a larger group of friends. The boy was totally in with me to learn their usual card game, Canasta, but my teen girl’s never really been one for games. She opted out. After the first of three hands, she decided to hang out near me and whisper in my ear every once in a while how terribly bored she was. Her irritation grew over the next 90ish minutes and two remaining hands and as we were wrapping up the night to leave, her little brother got the brunt of her mood.
In the car on the way back to our accommodations, the three of us squished in the back seat, I asked her if she wanted to watch the next episode of Good Omens, just the three of us—it’s my “go to” on this trip when we three need to bond, and I thought this might improve her mood. She nodded eagerly.
What I hadn’t anticipated was just how far she’d pushed her brother this night. He was NOT interested. Said we could go ahead without him. It broke my heart to hear the pain he was feeling over how she’d treated him. When she left the room, his composure collapsed and he cried, exhausted and broken from her continuous abuse.
I asked her to follow me into the room where I was sleeping and did my best to communicate what I saw happening. This is a conversation we’ve had many times, but after the last big conflict she and I had (read about it here: Lying to Ourselves,) the two of us seemed to break through a bit and she’d shared some tender feelings she has for her brother and a genuine concern for his wellbeing. I delicately reminded her of that conversation and asked her to go talk with him. It was risky and had the potential to go really wrong, but I hoped…
I went out to the quiet living room and was there when my friend came to tell me she thought my boy was crying. I listened at the door for a few minutes then softly knocked and opened the door. My girl was sitting on the floor near his bed and his face was wet with tears, and I couldn’t tell if it was going well or not. I asked if all was okay and she knitted her eyebrows, pursed her lips, and nodded quickly. I asked if I should leave and she nodded again, same expression on her face. I gently closed the door and went back to the living room, fingers still crossed.
Several minutes later they both came out and plopped into chairs. The girl grabbed the remote and informed me we were watching Good Omens. The energy had cleared. I didn’t ask any questions but my heart was filled with relief and love.
The following day felt SO much better. My kids are pretty cool.
Restoring Justis 