Ah Montana Magic. One more warm and fuzzy post before tomorrow’s disturbing dose of reality.
This is part eight of the Remembering Montana series of posts reflecting on my family’s three weeks on a small Montana ranch in the fall of 2018. Some reflections are recently written, but this post came from those I shared to social media while we were at the ranch. Scroll down then navigate back to read previous posts.
Day 10, September 29, 2018:
It has been almost a year since I had a relieving epiphany about my little family. The four of us had become seemingly disparate in our daily lives. How had this happened?!
We all had very different interests, and not only was I having a nearly impossible time finding activities we all enjoyed together, but simple conversations with each other could be extremely challenging. My kids and husband were tired and cranky at the end of their “work” days, and my efforts to now intentionally create a tight knit culture after years of distancing ourselves were met with little receptivity. I was getting desperate and coming to believe it was just too late–I’d blew it by not forcing this sooner!
Then, on our annual Thanksgiving roadtrip to SoCal where we always spend the holiday with dear family friends, I noticed how much better we do when we’re interacting with the world as a unit–like we’re forced to do when we travel. We just relate to each other differently. We’ve got to figure things out together. We need each other.
And my absolute favorite part–my kids reach out to each other for company and comfort. There were many moments on this particular trip that reinforced this awareness for me, and it hit me that we needed more of THIS. Adventures might just be the key to the culture I wanted for my family. (Over this past year of intentional implementation, I’ve learned there’s an additional requirement–these adventures must be consensual. And that sometimes means we’re not all there!)
Mind you, we’re still healing and it takes some time to fall into that ease. I’ve learned forcing it doesn’t work; I have to be patient, and watch for the magic and even then, I have to be careful not to “notice it” out loud though I do sometimes quietly point it out to my husband. It starts with just a moment here and there, then longer periods of togetherness emerge.
I can’t overstate the importance of allowance rather than insistence. I’m thrilled to share that we’ve spent many hysterical hours here, downstairs at the ping pong table making up new games with those paddles and the ppball. The boy and I have fallen into an easy routine feeding the horses together each morning; the girl will occasionally slip one of her earbuds into my ear to share podcast highlights with me; Hubby and the boy kick the soccer ball around the yard or hike out to explore something in the pasture…
But yesterday! So far yesterday is my favorite. Because instead of spending most the day each doing their own thing with occasional moments of togetherness, my kids chose to hang out with each other, like ALL day! After freezing our butts off at the Missoula farmer’s market, then picking up some lunch, we went to Lowe’s to pick out the Venus Flytrap the boy’s been dying to get.
He and and his sister talked excitedly the whole 30 minute drive back to the ranch: what to name it (Dragon,) where to keep it, predicting how long the mosquito trapped in the container with Dragon would last, etc. Then they disappeared into the RV for hours–in fact, Hubby and I took off and had a beer together in Stevensville then stopped at the store for the Italian soda supplies the girl had been requesting.
When we got home, the kids came back to the house where they worked together to concoct fruit flavored simple syrups and their first homemade Italian sodas while Hubby and I heated up leftovers for dinner. We enjoyed our meal together at the kitchen island. The conversation was easy and enjoyable. I can’t help but think this is how life is supposed to feel…at least most the time, right? Yet, it was magical. More of this, please.
Restoring Justis 