I know that’s typically the other way around, but I switched the saying on purpose. I do a monthly written reflection, usually the last weekend of each month, but I forgot to do it this past weekend so I completed the task this morning.
I was reflecting on my familial relationships which are always a primary focus of my energy and these reflections. Don’t get me wrong—I’m no perfect mother or wife! In fact, that’s the reason for this being such an all-important focus area. It snuck up on me and bit me in the ass a few years ago that my family was kinda falling apart. That I had not been vigilant about the culture I’d hoped to create. I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist and work-aholic, especially when I’m doing something I’m passionate about and I can get lost in my endeavors, making me less present and available in my relationships.
In fact, being in the present is a constant challenge for me. According to the Strengthsfinder 2.0 tool, one of my dominant themes is futuristic, which means I spend lots of time imagining and planning for the future. While society needs futuristic people like myself, and even families benefit from having a member with futuristic talent, it can be problematic when it comes to relationships. My mind is constantly wandering; it takes great effort for me to truly be present in the moment, really with the person I’m spending time with unless we’re having some intense conversation about abstract topics.
Which brings me to another of my problematic themes: intellection. I spend way too much time in my head, ruminating and sometimes catastrophizing. This can be very stressmaking but also very fun. I like hanging out in my head; there’s another label for this: intellectual overexcitability. It was nice to know that there are others who find their inner worlds more interesting than the real world. But again, not great for relationships. My favorite pastime is those previously mentioned intense conversations.
My family members don’t really share this inclination. Well, not exactly true. My girl definitely has some OE (overexcitability) but we don’t usually obsess about the same topics; I can see this tendency starting to affect her relationships also. We both tend to seek out people outside the family to indulge in these energizing (for the OEers but draining for most people) conversations. Luckily we’re occasionally able to indulge each other. Other problems have arisen due to her OE, but that’s a topic for another day…
I didn’t mean for this to be a post about Strengthsfinder themes and neural diversity theories—though great fodder for intense, abstract conversations! I intended to explain the success I’m calling “two steps forward, one step back.” After years now of continuous and what sometimes seems like unsustainable effort and definitely LOTS of mistakes, it never feels like I am making the desired changes in my familial relationships with any continuous forward movement. The Remembering Montana reflections were really helpful and I got to own those lessons again, but the sluggish progress and even backslides are painfully discouraging!
As I wrote up my monthly review this morning, it occurred to me that instead of the other way around like the saying usually goes: “one step forward, two steps back,” that at least I think I’ve managed to reversed that.
And that’s progress, right!? I’ll take what I can get and celebrate it! (Thank you for following along my lazy, stream of consciousness post!! I know that’s an awful lot to ask.)
Restoring Justis 